In lieu of recent events surrounding my phone bill, I have decided to take my Lent vow early this year. I am going to give up talking on my cell phone for 40 days. Some of you may think I'm crazy. Some of you may even be saying, "But wait, he has the most sophisticated piece of technological equipment available on the market (*** that is of course excluding the Nintendo Wii and the Toyota Prius ... but those don't count they are Japanese products). Well you naysayers are correct. I do have an iphone, but I have come to realize that the iphone is the one responsible for my astronomic phone bill. You see, the iphone makes it incredibly easy for me to dial 11 easy digits and talk to someone from lets say ... Sweden! If Steve Jobs had made it a little more difficult for me to dial overseas, I would not be faced with such a burdensome phone bill. With that being said, if you need me I can be reached by starting a bonfire and quickly waving a blanket over it 7 times. Carefully not to wave it eight times because that is the universal code for After Labor Day Shopping Sale.

In school news, I received a wonderful question from one of the girls in my class. It was the afternoon and I was teaching math (for those of you that know my math ability, I use the term "teaching" very loosely in that sentence), when the young girl raised her hand and asked, "Mr. Schwartz, what if that guy never invented clothing?" I was a little surprised at how sure she was of it being a man that invented clothing. In fact, after owning a pair of button-fly jeans, I am almost one hundred percent sure that it was not a man who invented clothing. Anyway, I asked my students what they thought life would be like if clothing was never invented. One boy raised his hand and said, "There is no way I would come to school." I agree with him, why come to school when you could be out running around naked!